My baby girl......mommy misses you so much and I don't know how to stop hurting or to continue going on. I hurt so much and my heart is physically hurting, that I had to go to doctors last week. Now I know what they mean when people say they have a broken heart.....because, it does feel like it's broken. Today is a hard day for me and when daddy and I have disagreements, I feel like my world is falling apart and I don't know what to do to get it back in order. Maybe I do need to take time away, but I'm too scared to leave, because I may never come back. I keep thinking of things I can do to fill the void, but nothing seems to work even though in the surface I seem ok. When reality hits me, it hurts so much and I can feel my heart breaking in pieces. I keep thinking if I can only find something that will help mend my heart, I can get past this, but there isn't anything that I have found that has helped. There are so many people out there that want to help me and I appreciate it so so much, but at the end of the day, I'm in this alone and not even my husband can help me. I'm the only person that can help me, but I don't know how. Maybe I'm asking too much of myself, but all I want is to not hurt so much and not to be so angry at the people who are the closest to me.....Daddy and the kids. I take it out on them and sometimes I think they are better off without me.
Elyce.....I need you to continue guiding me in the direction you think I should go. I can't do this alone....I need you to lead me and to talk to me and continue being there by my side. Can you do that for me? I do believe you are telling me that I should take time for me and to be selfish for ones in my life.
Are you and Alba flying high being happy together? Mommy is going to try talking to the medium in hope I can connect with Alba. I just want to be reassured the twins are together as I think you are.
Mommy wants you to know that I will love you forever and ever! Mommy hopes and prays that when I see you in heaven, you will not forget who I am and it will be as if you never left me. LOVE YOU MY SWEET ANGEL!
