Signs

Hello my beautiful girl...it's been almost a month since I last wrote. It's not because I have forgotten about you....it's just been hard to write lately. After my last posting, I hit a dark place for a day. It was so not me and it scared me. I woke up one Saturday morning and I didn't have the energy, drive, and will to get up. I woke up thinking of you and crying inconsolably. For whatever reason, I woke up thinking of you and flashing back to the the last time I checked you in to the hospital and all the pain you were in. As a laid in bed crying, I thought to myself, Elyce has NEVER cried like that ever before....how much pain she must have been in and I felt so sad. Then I started thinking of the pain mommy put you through when I had to lift you up to place the bed pan under you and the screaming and crying that came out of you. Just writing about it makes me so sad and helpless. How can any mommy see their child go through so much pain?

On this dark day of mine, I stayed in bed until noon time, then decided to get up and get some tea. Once I went downstairs to get my tea, I remembered I had taped some tennis matches I wanted to see, so I decided to stay downstairs and watch one of the matches. Once I finished watching the match, I felt more energized and decided I should get dressed and go to my favorite lunch spot. Daddy and the kids had left for lunch and daddy had a tennis match after lunch, so I was home alone (although daddy was reluctant to leave me alone, but I wanted alone time). Even though I went out, I can feel myself wanting to cry over anything, but I toughed it out and had a nice lunch by myself and decided to go cheer daddy on. By the time daddy finished playing his tennis match, it was after 5 p.m. and I felt more like myself. I was able to get out of my funk and not stay in bed feeling depressed, so that made me feel good.

I thank God that I have a hobby that I love to do and that has helped me so much. I think of the many parents who have lost a child and do not have hobbies and they just stay home and the depression sets in. Although, I do think you are helping me through this by lifting me up and getting me through those hard days.

In this past month, I joined some new meetup groups that focus on spiritual awareness, meditation, yoga, and energy healing. I'm very intrigued by the energy we each have and the energy I can easily feel from others, including your energy. I'm tapping into this area, because I want to feel you around me all the time. I've always been very intuitive and have had some special moments that others do not have and I want to expand my knowledge in this area. I also attended the Labyrinth of Life meeting with a mom who also lost her daughter (who happens to be downs syndrome). Elyce...have you met her? Her name is Grace. She was as beautiful as you my love. In this meeting we just spoke about the earths energy and we all got to choose some angel tarot cards. I chose 2...don't know why 2, but others chose the number they wanted to choose. These cards were very meaningful to me and they had the following meaning (based on my interpretation which is NOT coincidence I picked them....nothing is coincidence - things are how they should be). See below pictures.



Two of Water: A relationship that continues to grow. Forgiveness. The positive resolution of a conflict.

At first when I seen this card, I automatically thought "Alba and Elyce", but the wording threw me off. The person heading this meeting DID NOT give us a reading or anything like that. After we finished meditating, I realized the meaning of this card and it wasn't what I had first thought. Many people know I have struggled with Noe and Stephanie, especially after you passed away. The #2 has many meanings: You were born on May 2. Alba and Elyce called themselves twins = 2. Noe and Stephanie = 2 adoptive children. My license plate has (love symbol)Elyce2. I chose 2 cards.....why I don't know....I didn't think about the number. So this card was telling me that I will find forgiveness for Noe and Stephanie, because I struggle and I blame them for being here instead of you. Right or wrong, but that's what I feel. But this card gave me hope...hope that I will resolve this conflict and forgive them for something they have no control as I had no control over you dying. I know you are sending me these messages and I am hopeful I can get past this anger. They did not have any control over this situation, as I had NO control....as much as I thought I did....I had NONE.

The Lovers: Intimate Relationships. Carefully Weigh Your Decisions. Good Health.

This card was reminding me to focus on daddy and work on having an intimate relationship. I've been struggling with your death and feel that I need to run away and leave everyone behind.....even daddy as much as I love him. So this card is telling me to carefully think about the decisions I make and how important daddy is to me to just let things go, simply because I feel like running away from everything. Good health means just that. I've had anxiety attacks to the point that I thought I may be having heart problems. Now I'm making sure I'm eating well and taking all my supplements that I need to take to get my health under control.

These two cards are my life as of now. As crazy as it may sound, life events are no coincidence, they happen for reasons we don't know or will never know until we go up to heaven and everything will be clear to us. Until then, I hold on to hope and continue working on my energy so that I can feel you are still part of my life, even if I can't see you.....I feel you.

Mommy loves you to the moon. You are my spirit and my soul. You are my love of my life and will always be even if you aren't here with me. Keep sending me signs, because I am open to them. I'm no longer scared. I'm just scared that I won't continue feeling your energy and I don't want that. Love you my beautiful Elyce.