Here I am feeling sick with my entire body aching and I can't imagine what Elyce felt like or how others feel like when they are dying. There has to be some kind of mechanism your body has to protect people from so much pain. I wonder if the pain mechanism is similar to when I got my tattoo. At the beginning of the tattoo process I was meditating and felt a little bit of pain. I was well prepared to feel lots of pain, but surprisingly it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, until the end. The last 5 minutes or so, I felt the sharp knife cutting into my flesh and I thought to myself, "I don't think I can do this much longer". Then next thing you know, it is over and I'm elated. Granted I'm not stating that this is similar, but all I have to gauge from is this or when we get sick and every part of our body including our teeth hurt.
Elyce had been sick since she was first diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in August 2009. Her ability to withstand pain was incredible. This always scared us, because she wouldn't communicate when she was in pain and we would have never known it if we looked at her. She always had a smile on her face and now I wonder if it was for us. After her diabetes diagnosis, she was diagnosed with celiac. She was little by little dying on us and we had no idea. Her little body wasn't absorbing the nutrients she needed, but again if you looked at her, she looked perfectly healthy. Once we started seeing signs like her legs and tummy swelling, we would know there was something wrong and that her albumin was low.
When I say, we had no idea she was dying, we didn't really know. Who would know? Although the one thing I do know now is that the divine was preparing me for her death. There were signs before her passing and now I can clearly see them. My intuition told me she wasn't going to make it and I felt it, but we question our intuition often. Especially something like this, we remind ourselves to stay positive, even when we feel it in our gut. Today, I listen to my intuition and it's my intuition that is leading me the way to a new start. Renting our house, moving out, finding a new job, and starting all over again. I'm being pulled back to the Bay Area...not sure why, but I know that's where I need to be. So let's see how this plays out, but I know Elyce is holding my hand and taking me on the path I need to be.
P.S. This picture I took from the internet and the funny thing is, that it was the very first picture that came up. Look at the moms ring....doesn't it look like my ring and my hand. These are signs and I don't miss many today.
