Walking the path

Today, I woke up knowing it was time to write on my blog, especially after you visited me in my dream. Even though I am happy when you visit me in my dreams, I woke up hysterically crying, because as much as I continue grieving your loss, I'm still shocked you are not physically with me. In this dream we all knew you were dying and I was prepping you for it and it was my job to take you down the right path. I recall not being able to find you and later found you with her pjs in her hand going down the wrong path. When you seen me you said, "oh mom", as you used to say with a sigh as if I was here to save the day or when you would be so happy to see me. Then I woke up with all these emotions inside me and crying until I fell back to sleep. This dream made me ask myself, I'm I holding you back from going where you needs to go? Are you lost or in limbo out there? I hope that wasn't the message, because it would make me sadder. I do believe you are where you need to be and that your visit in this dream was to let me know that we continue walking on the path together. I'm stretching here but have to hold onto hope of some kind. The other message can be that I need to make sure I'm walking down the right path and that if I have any doubt of a specific path, to steer clear from it and go with my instincts.

It's been an interesting journey since you have been gone. I'm always have had a keen sense of intuition and now that I am opening more up, I'm learning that I am seeing things more clearly. Some things I see may not make sense at the time, but as time goes by, the light comes on and it makes perfect sense. I'm holding on to the belief that things in my life are happening as they should. I'm where I should be at this present time.

Two days ago as I was driving home, I started thinking about you and Alba. I was trying to remember the day she passed away, December 15, and then I remembered the day you passed away, July 20 and it dawned on me that you were 5 years older than Alba. To be exact, 5 years 2 months older. You died 5 months, 5 days from each other. Your birthday is May 2 and hers is July 2. The coincidence in the number 2 and 5 is amazing. The other connection with the number 2 is, my birthday is August 22. We adopted 2 children. You and Alba were called, twins. My license plate has Elyce 2. Why 2 and 5, I don't really know, but there is some kind of connection with these 2 numbers and I'm sure I will know when I should know.

So wherever the road takes me in the near future, I will know the you are holding my hand and leading the way. I will know that this is where I need to be. For now I'm open to going wherever you think I need to be.....just lead the way.



Mommy loves you to the moon and back!