I feel you

Hi my beautiful girl. I can feel your presence a lot lately and I thank you for that. Yesterday when I was in the car and listening to some of the songs you loved to sing to, I can almost see you next to me singing your part and me singing my part. You would always take the boy role and tell me I was the girl, when we would sing High School musical songs. I've sang songs with you since you left, but for some reason yesterday was so vivid and it was like I can almost see your shell. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true.

This morning when I was starting my meditation, I felt you with me asking me what I was doing. So I told you and I put down a pillow next to mine and told you to meditate with me. What did you think of meditation? Maybe that's why I was emotional, because I felt you there. When I was concentrating on my breathing, I got a glimpse of you in the hospital bed with the breathing tubes. I got emotional, but told myself to focus on my breathing, then I can later get emotional. I'm seeing how meditation seems to be helping me feel your presence more. It's weird, but maybe because I'm getting down to the subconscious mind.

Can you fell my sadness? I'm sorry if you don't like me to be sad, but honey you are my life and I will always miss you, be sad that you aren't physically with me on this earth, and I will always love you for eternity. People say the spirit lives on and I do believe it, but curious to know how that works. I mean I know you will never be in your body, because that is ashes now, but I think of you as an energy ring made out of who knows what kind of matter. They say there are many other living things around us. Just because we can't see them, it doesn't mean they are not present. Do you imagine if we could see them? That would be a lot of chaos. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that your spirit lives on.

Your nina, Mirna, got married this weekend. I know you were there cheering her on and did you see how beautiful she looked? The girls were all thinking about you on her day and they toasted for you. I was so emotional and thought, I shouldn't be the one crying today, it should have been your nina! I know Mirna felt bad that she wasn't there for your funeral, so I think those emotions have been on her mind and when she seen me we broke down. She loves you very much, but I know you know that.

Daddy says I should take a vacation and get away, but I just realized that whenever I would get away, you were my traveling partner. Now I don't have you to join me and I get so sad. I know I need to get away by myself, but it's so lonely thinking of going alone. If I get the nerve to get away, I was thinking of going to Puerto Vallarta. I figured I have family there and I can go see them when I feel up to it, but I can be alone when I need to be.

I love you very much my baby! Stay with me, ok? I want you to be with me forever!