Thanksgiving and Christmas plans for the kids are set. All these plans were set early October, so I didn't have to think about them anymore. On Thanksgiving, I'm dropping off the kids at my sisters house and the whole family will be there to celebrate. Kids are looking forward to it and I gave them an option to go there or go with me to a hotel room and wait for Daddy to get off work so we can have dinner. Shane and I are looking at this day as another regular day, except we will be in a hotel room. For Christmas, the kids will be super excited that they are spending it with their siblings. I knew I wouldn't be able to go shopping for anyone this year or step foot in many of the stores Elyce used to love, but luckily I always have tons of gifts that I've bought some time back and keep in a box just in case I forget a birthday, holidays, etc. Early in October I gathered all the gifts and the kids stockings and filled them up. I had just gone to Costco and seen pj's, so pick some up so they have their annual pj gift. The kids know we aren't celebrating either holiday and I told them I will write Santa a note to let him know where the kids will be on Christmas. This is the best I can do this year and I think even with this, the kids are lucky to have options. Some children out there do not have options and we are all fortunate that we do.
When I think of Thanksgiving, I normally would think of giving thanks. But this year, what am I thankful for? I mean I lost the most important person in my life, so how can I possibly be thankful for anything. Everything else is so unimportant. I know it sounds rude and harsh, but that's the reality. My goal during these trying times has been to try to stay positive and try to stay active to keep myself from getting depressed. So with that being said, I'm going to try to come up with some things that I am thankful for today.
1. I am extremely thankful for having had Elyce in my life. I am so fortunate to have been chosen to be her Mother and to have had the unconditional love most people wish they would have with their kids. Our love for each other is the ultimate love and I always appreciated it and was always grateful!
2. I am grateful for having memories of Elyce. I wish I can somehow scan my brain and put all those memories into my computer where I can create videos of what I see in my head. But for now, I am thankful that I have many good positive memories that I will treasure for life.
3. Pictures say a thousand words and boy do her pictures exude who she really is. I am grateful for capturing the many happy moments of her life and am lucky that her life was just that. Her pictures capture her love for life, her happiness, her sense of humor, and that mischievous look that will tell you she was up to no good.
4. I am also thankful for being able to continue to feel her spirit everyday and have her by my side. I can feel you honey and I know you are there! I do wish I can see you at times, but am grateful that I can at least feel your presence every day.
5. I am thankful for my husband. My patient husband who takes me for who I am and has been there to support me every step of the way. I am thankful for his love and patience he always had with Elyce since day 1 and the unbelievable bond they shared. Elyce loved her daddy unconditionally like her daddy loved Elyce. It was beautiful to watch them hold hands, hug, kiss, and just being silly.
6. I am grateful that Stephanie and Noe are really good kids even with all they challenges they have faced in their short lives. I'm lucky to have such a great big sister, Stephanie, to help me in whatever I need help with. She does a good job on taking the Mother role at times, even though I like for her to stay young and innocent. I'm thankful that Elyce was able to be part of their lives and instill some of the qualities she had. I already see them in the kids and it makes me smile.
7. I am thankful for having support with the kids during these hard times. We are truly fortunate to have Monica in our lives and can't thank her enough for everything she does for us.
8. I am thankful for Alba's bone marrow donor and thankful that she continues to fight for her life and is making progress everyday.
9. I am thankful for my family and friends who continue to ask how I'm doing and for listening to me when I want to talk. Even if it's emotional when I'm asked, I need friends and family to continue asking, because it shows that they care.
10. I am thankful for my friends and family who are there to help us with taking the kids for a few hours, a day, or a weekend. This is a big help and we appreciate you!
Today and most of my days, this is what I am thankful for. Some days are rough and I can't see past my grief, but some days there is a light and that light is Elyce who keeps me going, because I know she would want her Mom to keep going. :-(
Mommy loves you this big <-----------------------LOVE---------------------------->to eternity! Wish you were still here on this earth with me so we can cuddle and kiss like we used to. I miss you so so much it hurts my heart.
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