Dear Elyce

Hello my baby girl. Mommy is missing you very much. There are so many things that remind me of you, which makes me smile and make me sad at the same time. I can go on my days somewhat ok, but it's those moments that I can see you doing something as if you are there that makes me sad. How I long to see and hold you! I ask myself, what would I do if I had you for a few seconds, minutes, hours, day? Then I realize it wouldn't change anything on how I feel about not having you with me all the time.

This weekend I took kids up to San Diego while daddy was working. We went to Balboa Park and had our lunch there. After lunch I let the kids go play in the fountain. The kids were first timid and I had to encourage them to get in and run around and get wet. As I sat there watching them, I can picture you getting in the water and having that big smile as if you did something totally crazy. You would have splashed water on your face and hair and would have said, "not bad....I like it!". Then you would have splashed around, while all the time you would be looking at me and laughing. God I miss that so much. It's just not the same without you. Did you send the Downs boy there for me? The boy that was also 21 years old and had a mother who had him at the same age I had you? He was precious and in great shape, just like you were. He was athletic like you. His Mom said he was a very healthy eater and didn't eat junk food.....well that part wasn't like you so much. :-)

On Sunday I had my first IE tennis match. Were you watching me? Did you see I put your pink chair outside the court so you can sit and watch? I felt you there and I hope you weren't too disappointed that we didn't win. We gave it all we had and I felt good on how I played. You always encouraged me to do the best when playing tennis and you always cheered me on. When I would finish my match, you would come inside the court with that huge smile of yours and ask me, "you won Mom?" Good thing most of the time was yes, I won. Then you would say, "finally!", as if it was my first win. Noe and Stephanie don't do that. They don't encourage me. They don't ask how I did. They don't seem to care and it just reminds me that I will never have that love that you had for me ever again. It's sad, because they don't have the enthusiasm, the unconditional love for me, the spark that you used to have, and the overall love for life like you did.

These types of days are so unbearable that sometimes I wish I was there with you. God help me get through these difficult days and find peace. I love you my sweet angel!