Dear Elyce, Today you would have....

My Beautiful Elyce,

Today (August 15, 2012) was the first day of school and it was very hard not to get your things together for school. On the first day, I would have taken time away from work so that I can go to your class and meet any new assigned aides/coaches/teachers. I would have met with the teacher and reiterated the school procedure to avoid getting you sick with other people’s food items. I would have made sure you had 1-2 aides/coaches that knew exactly what you could or couldn’t have so that there is accountability. I would have also taken all your medicines to Connie and Lisa and met with them. Connie and Lisa would have reassured me they would look after you like they have always done. After all these years, we still struggled with the teachers and the aides/coaches and their ability to monitor and keep you safe. Everyone that helped you meant well, but they just didn’t understand the severity of it all. This was part of our world and boy do I wish I was doing this today!

You absolutely loved school and every time you stepped foot in the classroom, you made everyone smile and lite up the room with your presence. Everyone loved you and you had many helpers that looked over you. Many of your friends probably forgot you were older than they were, because you are short compared to them and they liked to take your by the hand as if you were their baby. You never got upset at them and you appreciated everything they did for you. The aides/coaches wanted to do the same, but we had to remind them that you were very capable of doing it yourself, but they just wanted to help you, because they loved you. You were a magnate to many and I completely understand why….you are an Angel and they felt your spirit and love.

Noe started Kindergarten today. You would have reminded him to behave and if he didn’t, you would tell him he would get pow pow. You would have said, “Come here” and you would have hugged him and rubbed his head like you used to always do. I wonder if he will ever know how wonderful you were. I wonder if he appreciated you and if he knew how lucky he was to have lived in your world while you were here. Noe started crying the other day and when daddy asked him why he was crying, he said, “ I miss Elyce and it makes me sad when Stephanie cries. It reminds me Elyce is in heaven”. He had never cried before and I assumed he didn’t understand it, but now know he does.

Stephanie started third grade today. You would have told her to have fun and you would have said, “you can do it Stephanie”. You would have hugged her, then wrestle with her like you used to do often. You would have gotten her all wound up and she would have been giggling like crazy. Both of you would have been sweating from the wrestling and chasing her around the house. She did realize how special you were. She cries for you almost every day. She says she misses you. I try to convince her that you are in heaven and that you are happy. I wonder if she realizes when I say that, I’m trying to convince myself of the same.

You would have come home today at 1 p.m. with that big smile and your great strut. We would have asked you how your day was and you would have said, “good” with the biggest smile. You would have taken all the paperwork, lunch, and any other items from your bag pack and would have done your daily routine (go potty and wash your hands) like you always have. You would have taken your supplements and then ask for food (boy you loved to eat). When the kids would get home, daddy would have had all three of you on the dining room table doing homework and would always include you, even though you didn’t have any.

Yes, today would have been another beautiful day with you. The day I wish I had. If only I could have a day with you....just one day!

I’m starting to get angry. I read the book; Heaven is for Real, in hope that it convinces me that there is such a thing. When I read this book, I wonder why this little boy survived and you didn’t. He went in the hospital in bad shape, just like you did. So why is it that he survives to tell his story, but you didn’t? Many say it was your time to go to heaven, but what was going on in heaven that they desperately needed you up there. You are needed here with us, not in heaven. Now all I have are the memories. I hope these memories do not fade and hope I can easily recall all those wonderful stories I have of you, so that I can continue your legacy.

Mommy loves you very much, but I don’t have to tell you, because you know already. You will continue feeling the love I have for you each and every day of my life. Mommy is waiting for another sign from you and I hope you send one to me soon. :-)