Hello Elyce....today marks the 3rd month you have been gone. When I write this it shocks me to say that. I wonder if I will ever get used to the idea that you are gone to heaven and I won't be able to see you physically. These past weeks have been the roughest weeks for me. I can't seem to get it together and I'm of no help to anyone else in the family. Stephanie misses you a lot and I don't know what to do to help her, because I don't have the ability to help her much, because I'm so consumed with not having you here with me. Stephanie decided she was going to write on her comforter the word "love" with a heart on it. She says she wrote it, because she misses you. But she had to write on the comforter? She doesn't know how to express herself and thinks that's the best way, when in fact she has a journal next to her bed that she is supposed to write in. These are the things I have no patience for. Yes...she is hurting, but so am I! What sense does that make to write on a comforter when you have a journal.
Your dad and I aren't doing to good right now. I can't seem to really talk to him lately. It feels so lonely right now. I just want to run away....don't know where, but just run away. I just hope these feelings change soon, because I don't like this feeling. The good thing is that I still get up out of bed, even though sometimes like today, I want to just lay there and lose myself. Some say as long as I get up, am walking, I'm surviving. But I don't want to live just surviving....I want to have that love I had with you.....but I don't.
Let's hope by the next blog things are looking up. Until then....I miss you and I love you this ------------------------ LOVE ------------------------------- BIG!
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