Eyes....

Can you see the sadness in my eyes? Can you tell I've been crying day in and day out? Some people say that I look like I'm taking it well or that it's hard to tell since I have this "shell" or "wall" or "stoic" look to me. Don't confuse that for being strong and being able to deal with the blow I've been dealt with. Don't confuse that for being a cold unemotional person, because it doesn't fit the mold you have created in your head in what an emotional person should look like. I'm in survival mode and fighting for my life! Yes, fighting for my life. Fighting to find new meaning in life. Fighting to keep it together to allow myself to function. Fighting to keep my marriage together. Fighting to keep my sanity with my kids who are left behind. Fighting against the depression that is wanting to set in. Fighting for the life I once had and want it back.

Until you have walked in my shoes and in my path, then you can't possibly know what I am going through, regardless of how you perceive it to be.

I understand you want to help me. As I said before help me by being by my side. Help me by talking about my beautiful daughter Elyce. Help me by not avoiding me. Help me by holding my hand, hugging me, patting my back, and by listening to me. Help me continue living life by inspiring me.

One day, I will be able to continue helping others as I have always have. One day I will continue making a difference, as I always loved to do. Until then, help me get through this painful stage in my life, for I know that Elyce would not want me to live a miserable life full of guilt and depression. Elyce wants me to live the life she lived and I will continue fighting for that just because of her. For her legacy was just that....live life to the fullest regardless of all the obstacles you may have faced or continue to face.