My Brother's Eulogy for Elyce

As mentioned before, most of us can never be prepared to write a eulogy for their daughter or family members. Since Shane and I didn't think we would be able to deliver it at the church, we asked the best next person, my brother Manuel. I'm sure it was a very stressful thing for him to do, but boy did he do an excellent job and he made me proud. Since many of you missed the service, I'm adding this for all to read.

Her Arrival:
The day was May 2nd, 1991. It was a Thursday evening in San Jose. La Familia Ruiz was giddy with anticipation as the first grandchild was on her way. I was 15 and had never seen my father as excited as he was this day. It was a side of him that he didn’t show often. Tender, caring, eager. The family tree he had started was growing a new branch. She was as beautiful as any baby we’d ever seen…in our eyes perfect in every way. Within a few days we were told Elyce was indeed special but not in the way we had imagined. She had been born with Down Syndrome. We were shocked of course but more so because we really didn’t know what this meant. What kind of life would she have? So we did what all good catholic families do…we went to church and we prayed for her well being.

Her Progression Through Life:
As a baby Elyce became the light of our family. The person that always lit up the room. The incredibly photogenic sweetheart. To us she was never different in anyway. She was just Elyce. Even as a baby she always had personality. She had that something special that you just couldn’t ignore. Obviously Elyce’s path through life was going to be more challenging than most kids and would require special parents.

Kity’s Determination:
For those who know Cristina well know she too is incredibly unique. I personally have never met a person so driven, so determined and so stubborn in my life.
All of those qualities combined to make her the ideal mother for Elyce. She taught Elyce to play the hand she was dealt but never, EVER settle for anything less than what she wanted. She taught Elyce that if she was content, it wasn’t good enough, she should be happy. And if she was happy, it wasn’t good enough, she should be ecstatic. What Cristina preached to Elyce, she practiced herself. Through Cristina Elyce learned that she could fight, fight and fight some more and that would lead her eventually to get what she wanted out of life. My wife Susana works with developmentally disabled children including down syndrome children. One of her most effective strategies with the parents is to simply describe the type of mother Cristina is. This serves as an effective motivator to other parents that they too can help their children realize their full potential. That their children ARE capable if you teach then to never accept status quo. Kity…you truly are an amazing mother.

Shane’s Impact On Her Life:
But in all fairness Cristina hasn’t done this completely on her own. 8 years ago Shane not only took Cristina’s hand in marriage but also Elyce’s. And when he put that necklace around Elyce’s neck as a symbolic gesture that he was committing to be the man in both of their lives, he absolutely meant it. Since then it’s been crystal clear that Shane is head over heels in love with both of these women And Elyce was completely in love with him. It came to a point that Shane knew everything you can imagine about Elyce. Her favorite games, favorite shows, favorite foods. I can't remember how many times Cristina would start a story about Elyce and Shane would finish it with the kind of detail only a committed father would know. Thank you Shane. My family thanks you and we all love you very much.

How She Embraced Her Siblings (Stephanie, Noe, Exchange students):
As the Leivas family grew Elyce immediately embraced whoever entered it. Noe and Stephanie were instantly welcomed to the family and Elyce eventually became a second mother to them. If Stephanie or Noe acted up she would never hesitate to give them a point and a stare. But she loved them immensely and she loved everything else in life. And that also applied to the exchange students Cristina and Shane would take in. They always treated her as a little sister. And I will never forget the last time she visited us. Elyce was in one of the bedrooms with Alba. I walked in the room and the stench was unbearable. The kind that hits you like a brick wall halfway down the hall. Yet they were both sitting there as if nothing in the world was wrong. And that’s exactly what Elyce did to you. She was so infectious that you could easily overlook these things. You could even grow to love it…gas and all!!

The Reality of Life and What She Has Taught Us:
Today what I most remember and what I most want us here to focus on is that Elyce can teach us so much about life. Someone once said “you should live each day as if it’s your last. Certainly someday you will be right.” Death is the ONLY certainty in life and we shouldn’t be afraid of it. Instead we should treat it as an opportunity that each hour on this Earth is precious. Learn from Elyce. She taught us to fight for what you want. To savor life. To truly find joy in everyday activities.

Don’t forget that smile, don’t forget that pure laugh, Don’t forget her infectiousness. And most important don’t forget to remember her. Today it may be difficult, but tomorrow don’t be afraid to let her stay with you. The best way to honor her memory is to approach life as she did. With a zest and joy which was completely genuine.

- YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WITH US, ELYCE!